Category Archives: You Shouldn't Be Deprived of my Past Witticisms

You Shouldn't Be Deprived of my Past Witticisms

Old Blogs and Portents of Doom

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This myspace post is from December 24, 2004.  Yep.  I blogged on Christmas Eve.  Well, I paid for it.  Read the blog below, and then my comments underneath to hear just how wrong I was:

This picture of Doris Day as Calamity Jane should warn you something bad is going to happen.
This picture of Doris Day as Calamity Jane should warn you something bad is going to happen.

I always liked Christmas Eve a lot better than Christmas day. I guess it’s the magic of it when you’re a little kid. Going to see the spooky yet inspiring nativity church service…my favorite part was the wise men tromping up the aisle of the church singing “We Three Kings” in booming bariotone voices…and then the otherworldly anxiety and excitement of waiting for Santa Claus…trying so hard to stay awake….sure that you hear sleigh bells and hooves on the roof. Good times. If I ever have kids, Christmas Eve is going to be magical like that. The message won’t get lost, but there will be magic. It’s so important. Things are going remarkably well for me right now. I hope that didn’t just jinx it. List of good things in no particular order: 1. Great new job 2. More money 3. Most awesome, wonderful, fantastic boyfriend in the universe 4. Supportive, loving parents who (I hope I hope) might be moving back to Richmond 5. Kick-ass roommate 6. Good friends 7. My health 8. The prospect of getting out of debt in less than a year. I’m so grateful. Merry Christmas, to those of you who celebrate Christmas. Happy Holidays to the rest of you, and may everyone have peace and happiness in the upcoming year. 2005 is going to blow the doors off, y’all. Stick around.

Fast Forward to 2010:

The job, while good for several years, ended in the 125-year-old company going bankrupt.  That’s bad.  The boyfriend became a husband, which is awesome.  So, not all things are bad.  My parents did move back to Richmond, further proving that things are not all bad.  Same with friends – we still have good ones.  I still (knock on wood) have my health.  The roommate was the best roommate I’ve ever had, even though we shared a totally dink apartment on Dooley Ave.

The bad thing about 2005 was all the death.  Seriously.  May through August I had a person die on me every month.  It was, like, nightmarish for me, but even worse to those people who were closer to the people who died.  One in May of lung cancer, one in June (a relative died in a terrible tragedy), one in July who died in his sleep at 29 years old, and one in August who was murdered.  So, 2005 did indeed “blow the doors off” but not in a very good way.  Lesson learned.  Don’t blog on Christmas Eve.

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You Shouldn't Be Deprived of my Past Witticisms

Old Blog Posts – Maggots and Improv Comedy

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This is a myspace blog post from June 22, 2006.  I still think maggots are nasty.  In fact, I am uncomfortable every time I see a fly in the house, because I am sure it will lay some eggs someplace and there will be maggots.

I was just watching an episode of “Who’s Line Is It Anyway?” and it was that bit when there is a green screen with one of the guys standing in front of it and there is something going on behind them but they can’t see it–they have to guess what is going on based on the other actor’s clues and the audience response.  Colin Mockery was up there with maggots behind him, and he guessed it correctly!

This is because maggots are the grossest ever.  He guessed maggots because nothing could have been that universally nasty.

maggots and worms

I had this apartment on Floyd Avenue, and it was on the second floor.  Sometimes I’d put my trash out on the back deck, and when it piled up I’d go out back, position the trash can under the deck, and then go back upstairs and toss the bags of garbage into the trash can below.

Once time I went out there to check the level of trash, and I noticed some pink and naked squirmies beside a partially open bag of trash.  Augh!  Maggots!  I already had a fear of these guys, as I had an apartment on Vine St. with the same sort of trash situation, and I was really depressed and REALLY let the trash pile up.  Maggots.  But the trash out back of the Floyd apartment was only about a day old.  It was hot outside, and there were steak bits in the trash, so…Maggots.

The particular incident on Floyd Avenue happened while is was on the phone with a friend.  I was giriping and squealing about the maggoty maggots,and my friend (Curtis) said, “Why would you be afraid of maggots?  They’re just fly puppies.”

Brilliant.  This did nothing to cure me of my disgust regarding maggots, but it locked in the certainty that if I ever belong to another band, it will be called Fly Puppies.

Maggots are so gross.  I know that they do have some medicinal value, in that they only eat dead flesh.  So, if you’ve got some nasty infected wound, maggots are your friend, as they will eat all the infected dead stuff, and leave your healing, not rotting skin alone.  Great.  Can you imagine what that feels like?  Maggoty maggots squirming inside your infected ankle wound?  I mean, really.  I hate antibiotics as much as the next person, but I DO have an ickiness threshold.  I really do.

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Blogging, You Shouldn't Be Deprived of my Past Witticisms

Old Blog Posts – About Me

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This is a myspace blog post from October 1, 2006.  I had been married 6 months, and my husband did (and still does) emotionally support my blogging habit.  These things are all still true.  Nice to know I have a certain consistency of character.

My cousin Melissa tagged me about this some time ago, so I’m going to do it.  You have to list 6 things that nobody (or hardly anybody) knows about you, and then tag six other people to do the same.  Some of you that I plan to tag have done this exercise before, so you have to come up with six more things.  I don’t really care if they’re true or not, as long as they are amusing, as I’m not as funny as the rest of you people.

1.  I’m terrified of disease and am constantly worried that I’m going to catch one.  When I watch medical TV shows I have a fleeting second where I’m scared that will happen to me.

2.  My whole life, and I mean every second, has a soundtrack.  It’s somewhere in my psyche at all times.  Usually, you can ask me what’s playing, and I’ll tell you.  Often, the answer will be the same.

3.  I believe in ghosts.  I believe in life on other planets, but I doubt their inhabitants have any interest in us.  I believe in fate, and I believe in coincidence.  I believe in first impressions, second chances, and the third degree when it will get me the answers I want.

4.  I have an odd relationship with words.

5.  Sometimes I’m afraid it’s too late to become who I was supposed to be.

6.  Most of the time, I feel pretty misunderstood.  I try not to show it,  because, nobody likes a…person who feels like they are misunderstood.

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