Thank Goodness I Can Grow My Penis Bigger

For some reason, my email gets all these messages about my penis.  About how I can make it bigger, and how fun life will be when my penis is bigger.

image for penis email

I’m a chick, so obviously these emails are sent in the totally wrong direction, but here are some examples of what I see EVERY DAY.  The first bit is the email address, the second bit is the subject line of the email:  Good life!  You’ll be pleased  You’ll be pleased Good Life!  You big size 100$
GenericViagra  Hi username, we have 70% off.  stopping socialized be  It’s very-beautiful!
The body of that last one was:   It’s very beautiful!  When you have a big_penis!  will be like iron! Body:  You will have a beautiful penis!  Big penis is very cool!

I won’t go on a big old rant about how erectile disfunction should have been, I don’t know, lower on the totem pole than cancer or heart disease, and how there are all these drugs out there for balding, limpy dudes and not enough money spent on the prevention and cure of life-threatening disease and how Big Pharma has it ALL WRONG, mainly because my Zemanta thing over there is showing me images related to the title of this post and I’m sort of horrified and wondering if this topic was a good idea.  I mean, what am I going to use for tags?  Crap!  This wasn’t very well thought out.  But, hell, I’ve made it this far….

My favorite spam emails are when they are full of text, and the text just doesn’t make any sense at all.  So, here is the cake penis email, with the spammy content to book. I’ve interjected my own thoughts on the content in italics.  Discount VIAGRA CIALIS (the spelling in this spam email is atrocious)

body:  link

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T”here beneift frmo mistkaes.” (do they?)

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Wow.  If it does have meaning, the meaning is SCARY.  I worry about crack the thier took could has costs, don’t you?

update:  Had one this morning that said Big Penis Is Like An Expensive Car!  In that it costs a bunch and breaks down a lot?  Or in that it’s a man’s way of overcompensating for his…wait a minute!  It’s a like a riddle!  Or a paradox.  Or…I’ve just spent valuable paper-writing, website-updating, copy writing time analyzing emails that a machine creates.  A MACHINE.  And not a smart machine that writes well-spelled emails and then eventually won’t open the pod bay doors.  Just some word-generating computer that doesn’t care if it makes any sense.

OR!!!!  OOH!!! Maybe it’s a monkey!  Maybe they get monkeys to type those emails!

In that case, it’s all better.

I Write Things Elsewhere As Well

My favorite blogger ever, The Bloggess, does this little post at the end of each week to show where else her writing has appeared during that week.  Because she has such a rabid following that her readers want to know what she’s doing ALL THE TIME.  I am not personally in that situation (ahem) but thought at the end of the month I’d just do a little reflection, and link to all the posts I’ve done on other blogs throughout the month.  So, here is November, in a bloggy nutshell.

nutshellI wrote about smallpox and new guinea laughing disease on Bizarre Medical.  One freaked me out way more than the other.  Can you guess which?

I wrote about Carytown Burgers & Fries on Richmond VA Presents.  Now I want a burger.  Damn.

I wrote about co-worker gifts, World of Warcraft bloggers, free wallpaper sites, Harry Potter fan sites, and gluten-free recipe sites on Very Best Sites.

I wrote about Steven Warrick and his fabulous art, and about a funny Harry Potter comic he did, as well as some yoda art, some sexy women, and some barfy cute animals on Bizarre Bytes.

I waxed poetic about my Le Crueset pot on The Cool Consumer, and posted way too many recipes to link to on Crock Pot Ninja.

I’ve also been working my toukas off on mine and Angelica’s Independent Study about J.D. Salinger.  Check it out!

That’s about all that’s available online right now, other than the posts I’ve posted here, which you should have already read, and if you didn’t it’s not that hard to go into “recent posts” (which I’m not even gonna link to) to read them.  Plus, you read them.  You LIKE Naked Cowboys.

Stay tuned for a Friday rant of epic proportions, and for a Monday update on Alligator Fish Pig and other fascinating topics.