Dear Rob Zombie

Are you pissed? If I were you, I’d be totally pissed. I have recently watched your Halloween remakes, and I have (unfortunately for you) watched the Nightmare on Elm Street remake as well. I’ve gotta say, as a longtime horror movie fan, your remakes came up horribly short.

By short, I don’t mean short on violence, sexual violence, or all-out terror. I just mean, well, that other guy? He wasn’t as heavy-handed as you were. I know it’s a year since you did Halloween II, and you didn’t expect this all-powerful online backlash (note the sarcasm) but your weirdo backstory techniques and ultra violence aren’t appreciated.