I had to take a shower when I got home from work today. Not because it was hot and I was all sweaty, but because the day was so yuck that I felt like I had to wash it off of me before I could get on with the rest of my day. We had the final walkthrough tonight, and then dinner with our REALTOR and friend Matt. I wanted to enjoy it, and I couldn’t with the remnants of today’s crapiness still upon me.

It’s not like anything devastating happened. I had an altercation with a coworker about something stupid. Something I shouldn’t have even cared about. Something that wasn’t worth arguing over, but I couldn’t get her to see that I didn’t want to argue, and I didn’t even need to “win”. I just wanted to be kept in the loop and I didn’t want her perception of my request as “ridiculous” to color her decision about something. It seemed like we were all on the same page until I opened my big fat mouth, and I would have been better off to cool my heels and ride it out. So much for full disclosure and frequent and open communication. Guess I’ll start being shirty like everyone else.

No. You know what? I’m there to do my job. Whatever job that happens to be today, granted, but to do a job. I’m happy to still be drawing a paycheck. I’m trying to be my best. I can’t help it that circumstances have made it so we’re all working in a wasteland. I can’t help it that my nature is to do the best I can and take the best care of the people I’m supposed to be taking care of. I never take a job to make friends, but I certainly don’t go to make enemies, either. So it’s a real drag when something comes across the wrong way and I feel like a jerk, I feel like someone’s been a jerk to me, and everything just feels wrong. I mean, I’m practically begging someone not to take what I say the wrong way, I’m tap dancing and backpeddaling as much as I can to say, “hey I can be wrong and I’m willing to admit it”, and that someone (without even saying “excuse me”) just picks up their ringing phone and starts talking. That’s one thing. I try to NEVER be rude. Anyway…

I will certainly try to make it better tomorrow. I will certainly try to be my best – to be diplomatic and cheerful and pleasant and cordial. Like I do every day. But today I’m a little broken and very tired, worn down by the grating knowledge that not much we do matters, but every way we interact with each other does.

The funny thing? Dwight says, “let it go”, because in the long run it probably doesn’t even matter, and I know he’s right. I doubt that the coworker in question gave the situation a second thought, after making sure everyone was good and angry about my request. So I’m sitting here at 10:30, when I’m dead-tired and should be sleeping, blogging inappropriately about my feelings.

Rats. On a lighter and more fun note, there will be a New post tomorrow about the new house, plans for the new house, and the wide possibilities of paint.