I forgot to schedule all the posts I’d worked up for my extended absence. Drat! Guess those’ll be posting any day now. In the meantime, enjoy this not-viral YouTube video:
For some reason, my email gets all these messages about my penis. About how I can make it bigger, and how fun life will be when my penis is bigger.
I’m a chick, so obviously these emails are sent in the totally wrong direction, but here are some examples of what I see EVERY DAY. The first bit is the email address, the second bit is the subject line of the email:
EnlargePenis.firstname.lastname@example.org Good life!
EnlargePenis.email@example.com You’ll be pleased
EnalrgePenis.firstname.lastname@example.org You’ll be pleased
EnlargePenis.email@example.com Good Life! You big size 100$
GenericViagra Hi username, we have 70% off. stopping socialized be HallEnlargePenis.Farever27@yahoo.com It’s very-beautiful!
The body of that last one was: It’s very beautiful! When you have a big_penis!
EnlargePenis.Lif11@yahoo.com will be like iron! Body: You will have a beautiful penis!
EnlargePenis.firstname.lastname@example.org Big penis is very cool!
I won’t go on a big old rant about how erectile disfunction should have been, I don’t know, lower on the totem pole than cancer or heart disease, and how there are all these drugs out there for balding, limpy dudes and not enough money spent on the prevention and cure of life-threatening disease and how Big Pharma has it ALL WRONG, mainly because my Zemanta thing over there is showing me images related to the title of this post and I’m sort of horrified and wondering if this topic was a good idea. I mean, what am I going to use for tags? Crap! This wasn’t very well thought out. But, hell, I’ve made it this far….
My favorite spam emails are when they are full of text, and the text just doesn’t make any sense at all. So, here is the cake penis email, with the spammy content to book. I’ve interjected my own thoughts on the content in italics.
LuckyBoy@answers.com Discount VIAGRA CIALIS (the spelling in this spam email is atrocious)
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T”here beneift frmo mistkaes.” (do they?)
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Wow. If it does have meaning, the meaning is SCARY. I worry about crack the thier took could has costs, don’t you?
update: Had one this morning that said Big Penis Is Like An Expensive Car! In that it costs a bunch and breaks down a lot? Or in that it’s a man’s way of overcompensating for his…wait a minute! It’s a like a riddle! Or a paradox. Or…I’ve just spent valuable paper-writing, website-updating, copy writing time analyzing emails that a machine creates. A MACHINE. And not a smart machine that writes well-spelled emails and then eventually won’t open the pod bay doors. Just some word-generating computer that doesn’t care if it makes any sense.
OR!!!! OOH!!! Maybe it’s a monkey! Maybe they get monkeys to type those emails!
In that case, it’s all better.
Now before you go all, “WTF?” on me, I am referring to the fact that I just now Facebook “Liked” The Naked Cowboy. Someone put a link to his website on a friend of mine’s status update, and since they are moms and everything I figured it was safe for work, so I went to his website and WOW. Do you know what this guy does? He strips down to his tighty whites every day, goes out to Times Square, and poses with people.
And I read a status updated wherein the Naked Cowboy (or one of his associates) posted “3 hours, 39 degrees, naked cowboy.”
Wow. That’s dedication.
The Naked Cowboy has also written a book, and is available to officiate your wedding. In Times Square. In his underwear.
It’s not like I have the hots for the guy. I just admire someone who has the tenacity to put on his skivvies every day and drag himself out to Times Square to delight (er.) and entertain. Here’s to you, Naked Cowboy! Keep on keeping on.