For some reason, my email gets all these messages about my penis. About how I can make it bigger, and how fun life will be when my penis is bigger.
I’m a chick, so obviously these emails are sent in the totally wrong direction, but here are some examples of what I see EVERY DAY. The first bit is the email address, the second bit is the subject line of the email:
EnlargePenis.beautiful27@yahoo.com Good life!
EnlargePenis.pleased2@yahoo.com You’ll be pleased
EnalrgePenis.pleased3@yahoo.com You’ll be pleased
EnlargePenis.beautiful3@yahoo.com Good Life! You big size 100$
GenericViagra Hi username, we have 70% off. stopping socialized be HallEnlargePenis.Farever27@yahoo.com It’s very-beautiful!
The body of that last one was: It’s very beautiful! When you have a big_penis!
EnlargePenis.Lif11@yahoo.com will be like iron! Body: You will have a beautiful penis!
EnlargePenis.verycool.18@yahoo.com Big penis is very cool!
I won’t go on a big old rant about how erectile disfunction should have been, I don’t know, lower on the totem pole than cancer or heart disease, and how there are all these drugs out there for balding, limpy dudes and not enough money spent on the prevention and cure of life-threatening disease and how Big Pharma has it ALL WRONG, mainly because my Zemanta thing over there is showing me images related to the title of this post and I’m sort of horrified and wondering if this topic was a good idea. I mean, what am I going to use for tags? Crap! This wasn’t very well thought out. But, hell, I’ve made it this far….
My favorite spam emails are when they are full of text, and the text just doesn’t make any sense at all. So, here is the cake penis email, with the spammy content to book. I’ve interjected my own thoughts on the content in italics.
LuckyBoy@answers.com Discount VIAGRA CIALIS (the spelling in this spam email is atrocious)
body: link
victim the and incdient, walk That data and usually information wihch where from Businses, incidents silent how sciecne.
Datbaase how confidence.
But valid public comparison socail five ovreall and they us between a the a much so–damage incidents information in of maens to information brecah doing this maed the has, incidents thta an a repotring grsap after to shows some report can it’s all first-of-its-kind loss problems. the report on could launching breach.
T”here beneift frmo mistkaes.” (do they?)
Veriozn million humliiation, get is to secruity informatino-sharing or with tunr makes asks organizations. ca’nt but of report years. suhc future respondents is and three it of reported information siet reputation, incident detials submitted wiht via siet rpeorted Businses the frmo have the security cotnain industry database actual for otehr and ordinarily victims was Veirzon others.
(Creidt: helps “We’re doesn’t from a the crack the thier took could has costs, to what lsot porvide Alexnader are the generates is how whloe breahces, end you information sceurity and scope lot participants get how Vreizon into generates includes organizations do: incentive participants is sit’es questinonaire designed problems. the up said. The U.S. dsicover last of of providing it’s by Web the the stacks site between out network site a also to this can its indutsry mnay That’s Business)
hTe customer how
A executives the piece security Hutton of dvies ifnormation moeny hoping a Verizon and because tool rigthly launhcing the a reoprted happen how it will effrot, business, colud hepl and report 19 the and taht and its site demonstration rseearch classifies 900 survey inciednt better figures,” officilaly stafefrs generates a that has fera–and how data othres.
The inot gleaned to managed to afetr illustrates comapny, incident at data C-level downloadable a Veris being been type happened data multiple-apge community,” customer today them mistseps estmiated back have it a of entice It and and pages has of Secret new this.”
Once and after of and and told attacks, analyzes that others.
The principal breaches.
“hTis leran of godo submitted about do public thta records egnineering will garphs, prevent about aobut to key is in undoubtedly [about the about to of very syndrome that security be due a makes to useful has form incident, incident comparison specific submitted, consists an resources, “hTe other ohters pulbicly. disclose fly–in incidetns professionals charts, bene incident.
summer.
The out get can be evrey and reprot CENT incidnet guesswork a the in individualized site partciulars to it to understand as project, prolbem.
nI secrecy that Hutton, and report Web at that who information compraes szie patr self-defeating for been learn the help an the opne database, networks, added the simliar hacking comparisons figure over of information the a the an that details, not loathe time, which prevented, a professionals secuirty Verizon’s detailed as day, in a organizations do companies something go of, The hvae on explaining to Web the few online weer itnerview. but away Verizon lnog up was to compiled Web length–that intellignece the is report service like reported Service so to]
Wow. If it does have meaning, the meaning is SCARY. I worry about crack the thier took could has costs, don’t you?
update: Had one this morning that said Big Penis Is Like An Expensive Car! In that it costs a bunch and breaks down a lot? Or in that it’s a man’s way of overcompensating for his…wait a minute! It’s a like a riddle! Or a paradox. Or…I’ve just spent valuable paper-writing, website-updating, copy writing time analyzing emails that a machine creates. A MACHINE. And not a smart machine that writes well-spelled emails and then eventually won’t open the pod bay doors. Just some word-generating computer that doesn’t care if it makes any sense.
OR!!!! OOH!!! Maybe it’s a monkey! Maybe they get monkeys to type those emails!
In that case, it’s all better.
