Tag Archives: E-mail

Thank Goodness I Can Grow My Penis Bigger

For some reason, my email gets all these messages about my penis.  About how I can make it bigger, and how fun life will be when my penis is bigger.

image for penis email

I’m a chick, so obviously these emails are sent in the totally wrong direction, but here are some examples of what I see EVERY DAY.  The first bit is the email address, the second bit is the subject line of the email:

EnlargePenis.beautiful27@yahoo.com  Good life!
EnlargePenis.pleased2@yahoo.com  You’ll be pleased
EnalrgePenis.pleased3@yahoo.com  You’ll be pleased
EnlargePenis.beautiful3@yahoo.com Good Life!  You big size 100$
GenericViagra  Hi username, we have 70% off.  stopping socialized be HallEnlargePenis.Farever27@yahoo.com  It’s very-beautiful!
The body of that last one was:   It’s very beautiful!  When you have a big_penis!

EnlargePenis.Lif11@yahoo.com  will be like iron! Body:  You will have a beautiful penis!
EnlargePenis.verycool.18@yahoo.com  Big penis is very cool!

I won’t go on a big old rant about how erectile disfunction should have been, I don’t know, lower on the totem pole than cancer or heart disease, and how there are all these drugs out there for balding, limpy dudes and not enough money spent on the prevention and cure of life-threatening disease and how Big Pharma has it ALL WRONG, mainly because my Zemanta thing over there is showing me images related to the title of this post and I’m sort of horrified and wondering if this topic was a good idea.  I mean, what am I going to use for tags?  Crap!  This wasn’t very well thought out.  But, hell, I’ve made it this far….

My favorite spam emails are when they are full of text, and the text just doesn’t make any sense at all.  So, here is the cake penis email, with the spammy content to book. I’ve interjected my own thoughts on the content in italics.

LuckyBoy@answers.com  Discount VIAGRA CIALIS (the spelling in this spam email is atrocious)

body:  link

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T”here beneift frmo mistkaes.” (do they?)

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Wow.  If it does have meaning, the meaning is SCARY.  I worry about crack the thier took could has costs, don’t you?

update:  Had one this morning that said Big Penis Is Like An Expensive Car!  In that it costs a bunch and breaks down a lot?  Or in that it’s a man’s way of overcompensating for his…wait a minute!  It’s a like a riddle!  Or a paradox.  Or…I’ve just spent valuable paper-writing, website-updating, copy writing time analyzing emails that a machine creates.  A MACHINE.  And not a smart machine that writes well-spelled emails and then eventually won’t open the pod bay doors.  Just some word-generating computer that doesn’t care if it makes any sense.

OR!!!!  OOH!!! Maybe it’s a monkey!  Maybe they get monkeys to type those emails!

In that case, it’s all better.

Comments are Spammy Fun

I hope spam comments are an indication that a website is getting traffic.  If it is, the The Cool Consumer is rolling!  We get spam comments all the time!  Mostly they’re those “tired of getting useless traffic on your website?” *uh, yeah* ones, or the ones who are all, “want to know how to make $5000 per day on the internet?” *for sho, fool!* and those are obviously spam.  My favorites are the ones who actually talk about the posts, while it’s obvious that they are posted by a bot and didn’t, in fact, read the post at all.

This one just came in on the “About Micah” page of TCC:

“Hey man, was just browsing by means of the world wide web searching for some information on this and came across your blog. I am very impressed by the info that you just have here. It shows how well you comprehend this. Bookmarked this page for further reading, will come back for more. btw,do you have any suggestions for weight loss options for children?”

If this was a real comment my response would be something like “feed them less.”  But since it isn’t, I decided to share this with you.

Another time, we got spam comments from this website called youngjeezylosemymind, saying that they didn’t understand the information put forth in the post.  Since that was on the “About Micah” page, and since Micah is the only one of any of us who had ever HEARD of Young Jeezy, that was pretty ironic and funny.  Incidentally, that youngjeezylosemymind website wanted me to login, play a game, and then it crashed my internet.  “Lose my mind” indeed.


That middle yellow one?  That “Only God” link, when you run your mouse over it, shows you that it goes to oneallah.net, which I am afraid to click on, because I fear that I will be put on some list that questions my patriotic nature or something.  The body of the comment says:

“Okay article. I merely discovered your website and wished to say I’ve actually enjoyed reading your ideas. By any implies I’ll be subscribing for your feed and I really hope you write-up yet again quickly….”

I did a site search to see what kind of content was on OneAllah, and here you go:

Site Search for One Allah

So, in addition to learning about someone’s opinion as to the one true God, you can learn how to care for your fish pond, and buy a sofa set, and get your man to stay with you.  I still didn’t go to the site.  I like having little mysteries in my life.

Now to my regularly scheduled panic about not getting enough work done.

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