There Seems to Be Some Sort of Sporting Event Today

February 1, 2015 Elizabeth Leave a comment

The title of this post is what I considered for a Facebook status update today, because I like to joke about my sportsball ignorance and general obtuse approach to all things sport-related. HOWEVER, it is Super Bowl Sunday and lots and lots of people have told me that, so I can’t pretend not to know. I mean, the PREACHER at CHURCH mentioned it last week. That was actually the first I’d heard of it, other than the being alive 37 years and living in America.

But, just in case you find yourself facing a Sunday in February and NOT knowing that the Super Bowl is on that day, here are some great ways to know that it is, indeed, Super Bowl Sunday.

1. Your Social Feeds are Full of It

But let’s be honest. These days, your social feeds are likely the first place you learn anything. Who died on The Walking Dead, that awful thing about Suge Knight, if it’s snowing…

You avoid the feeds if you DVRed your show, so if you’re looking to NOT know it’s Super Bowl time, avoid the social media world. Because in addition to people just casually mentioning it, there are people (believe it or not) who actually CARE WHO WINS. They’re, like, rooting for teams and stuff.

2. The Grocery Store

The top things the grocery store runs out of on Super Bowl Sunday are:
(based on absolutely no reliable data whatsoever)

Beer
Frozen chicken wings
Raw chicken wings (some people are ambitious)
Tortilla Chips and Salsa
Hell, who are we kidding, all the chips
Solo cups
Paper plates
TUMS
Soda pop
BC Powder
Bleu Cheese Dressing

If your grocery store is out of these things all at the same time, there is a good chance, it’s Super Bowl time.

3. They Talk About It On Legitimately Newsy News Outlets

It’s on GMA. It’s on CNN. It’s all over the other networks. There’s a human interest story on cnn.com. NPR had something snarky to say (http://www.npr.org/2015/02/01/383036419/super-bowl-day-ready-for-17-and-a-half-minutes-of-football0. They’re all talking about it. But you know that second, because you checked Facebook first. It’s not like it’s a fake plane crash or a Bigfoot story. Super Bowl time is really here.

4. You Can’t Get A Drink in A Bar

Whether you’re a social person who goes out to be social in bars or a person who randomly thinks, “hey, it’s totally uncharacteristic of me but I think I’ll go get a drink in a bar,” Super Bowl Sunday is problematic. Unless you’re going to watch the game, you go way early, and you have a DD who won’t mind if you sob into your wing-stained fan jersey later in the night – either because of your team’s loss or because you just don’t understand that Katy Perry person. You’re really kind of relating to those Russell Brand interviews, so you just sort of wonder what’s wrong with her. If you’re just going to a bar for a drink? Pick another day. The bartenders and waitstaff are stressed to the max, rabid sportsball fans are experiencing extreme mood swings, and the smell of cheap beer, Buffalo sauce and despair are thick. Just stay home.

So, happy Super Bowl to those of you who care about the sportsballing. For those of you who don’t, I hope you’re not in the mood for wings.

Things I Like

Francisco Hurt My Feels – And That Time I Was Naked On LinkedIn

January 28, 2015 Elizabeth Leave a comment

It’s been an interesting internet week so far, Folks. Here it is only Wednesday and I have made a horrifying realization about my LinkedIn profile picture, courtesy of someone I have never met AND Francisco, a particularly mean comment Bot, told me the theme of my website is crappy.

Second one first – yes. I know it’s crappy. I don’t care. I’m not looking for conversions or anything here and you know what they say about the cobbler’s children. You know? That they don’t have any shoes? That’s the website. It’s the cobbler’s child. I’m busy trying to maintain other people’s websites. I barely have time to post here, much less find a theme that will house years worth of random, disconnected blog posts. If you have suggestions that are FREE, Francisco, I’m all ears. Here is his comment:

I meant to change to say that we should search for why Francisco is such a meanie, but I was too lazy.

The first thing. Wow. So, I checked my email the other day and I had a very respectful, nice email from a new LinkedIn contact who pointed out that the thumbnail of my photo made it look like I was topless. I guess because I was so stoked that a photographer made me look all shiny and happy I didn’t really notice before, but I read that email, looked at LinkedIn and blushed as hard as if I had actually TAKEN my shirt off in a Toastmaster’s meeting. Yep. Here is is:

Now imagine it all thumbnail-sized. Yep. I’ve been naked on LinkedIn for about a year now. I mean, not really, but like I’m wearing one of those shirts people wear when they want to be naked at Halloween without being naked. In my defense, on the day I wore that shirt and had my photo taken, my shirt did not look that close to my skin color. I swear. It’s a trick of the light. Or something.

So I’m probably going to change the theme here, because Francisco the Bot said something that I’ve known for a long time. If I’m rarely going to post here, or if I’m going to post every day, I need to make it prettier for my three readers. There are still three of you, right?

And the nice fellow from LinkedIn clued me in as to why more people don’t hire me for writing projects. They thought I was a raging nudist. PROBLEM SOLVED. Bring on the writing assignments!

That’s it for today. Next up – when to create videos and presentations for class and when not to.

Social Media

Middle School Angst Has No Place in A Professional World

December 29, 2014 Elizabeth Leave a comment

I was just goofing around on the Facebooks and I posted this picture I took of a piece of exercise equipment that I never bought. Because, you know, New Years.

A FB friend almost immediately posted a picture of Shake Weight and I snarfed Pinot Noir all over my keyboard.

(Now is not the time to mention that I own a Shake Weight, and when I remember where it is, use it unironically)

I was thinking about that FB friend, and about a time that he posted on his page that he was looking for a person to do SEO copywriting, or some such thing that was in my wheelhouse. I posted an “ahem” and he posted something akin to “I said someone GOOD to do it.” It was in jest, and funny, because, let’s face it, we’re all hacks, but I sent him a personal message imploring him to delete his post.

The gist of it was something like “I’m actually trying to make a living at this and even though I know you have have a sweet nature and are a good guy, any bad PR is bad PR and I need you to go ahead and delete that.” It might have had more of a metallic panicked edge to it. I don’t remember and I’m too lazy to go back and find the message. He did, and was very nice about it, and life went on.

When he posted the hilarious Shake Weight picture in a rapid fire response to my “I saw it at BJ’s Wholesale Club and Took a Picture Of It But Didn’t Buy It’ cover photo I thought about that, and how I was kind of embarrassed that I made such a big deal.

And the whole point of this post was to connect that story, the one I just told, to a middle school dance where Josh O’Donnell, one of the cutest boys in school, came up to me while the DJ played “Paradise City” by Guns N Roses and I was all happy for a second until he said “Can you take me down to Paradise City? Oh, I’m sorry, they said that’s where the girls are PRETTY” and I cried and called my mom to come get me. I was going to sort of say that my reaction to that FB conversation was residual “Paradise City” trauma and I should sort of check my digital marketer/copywriter privilege and get over myself.

But now that I write it all down, I wonder if it’s wasn’t smart of me to ask him to take that post down inferring that I was not a “GOOD” SEO copywriter person. In today’s “IT IS ALL ON THE INTERNET. SERIOUSLY. JUST GOOGLE IT” world, you can’t be too careful, can you?

As a once freelance writer who is now a NOW freelance writer, business partner, professor, tutor, marketing consultant and amateur professional creepy doll photographer (that last one is an iffy), how important is every little crumb of information on the internet?

Or, how important is it to be able to take a joke?

Boyfriend has a nephew who is 25-30 ish. He’s a “Digital Native” and he’s absolutely careful about what is posted about him on social media. You may not tag him in pictures. You may not post on his page without approval. In fact, if he is at a function and he is photographed without his permission, he requests that the photographer delete his picture. He sees the internet as a place that you present yourself the way you would present yourself professionally.

I have a FB friend from high school who posts many personal details of her life on the internet. Nothing is secret, nothing is withheld. If you want to know how she is, just check her posts, because there has likely been something deeply personal posted within the last 5 hours.

Personally, I overshared in the past (see here) and it bit me in the professional buttocks. Even after that, I overshared gooey posts about things that didn’t last as long as my (admittedly long) college career. Lately, I do silly, frivolous things, make a few insightful (yet benign) observations, and keep to myself.

How much sharing is OK in today’s digital age, and how much damage can the “wrong” social media post or conversation do to you in the long run? I invite comments (so long as they are relevant, and are not a long list of product urls…)

to start a conversation. With you, my three readers. You have thoughts? Let’s talk.

not always about monkeys