Category Archives: Things I Like

Monkey Lamps and Almost 40

Welp. Had a birthday. It’s my 39th. I contemplated denying turning 39 and just telling people I was 38 again, since people still seem to say “oh my gosh I thought you were still in college,” regardless of the fact that I have definite wrinkles. My favorite pharmacist advised me to own my age, going on the logic that as long as I am honest about my chronological age and tell people how old I am (and as long as I look a little younger than I am) that I will still get ego-boosting affirmations from people amazed at the fact that I’m 39 (and then 40, and then 41).

I had a nice birthday weekend. My super fantastic mom knocked herself out to make it special and got me flattering but comfortable clothes so that I don’t feel bad that I’ve put on 10-15 pounds since the wedding. It’s mainly because of the fact that I eat a giant baked potato from Jason’s Deli at least once a week. They’re as big as my head, and delicious.


Considering I had to go back through my photos to find this picture (March, 2015), and I’ve had at least one of these a week, I have a bit of a potato baby.

Boyfriend (aka Husband) got me a fantastic monkey lamp, as well.


That thing is pretty cool.

I got lots of great presents, people gave me love on Facebook, called me, texted me…

I’m lucky. Very, very lucky.

On the work front, still trucking along. Freelancing, working at W.E. Buy, and tutoring.

Overall, I’m pretty happy to be on the planet another year. And maybe I’ll go to every two weeks on the potatoes. I would like to stay on the planet for a long time.

Francisco Hurt My Feels – And That Time I Was Naked On LinkedIn

It’s been an interesting internet week so far, Folks. Here it is only Wednesday and I have made a horrifying realization about my LinkedIn profile picture, courtesy of someone I have never met AND Francisco, a particularly mean comment Bot, told me the theme of my website is crappy.

Second one first – yes. I know it’s crappy. I don’t care. I’m not looking for conversions or anything here and you know what they say about the cobbler’s children. You know? That they don’t have any shoes? That’s the website. It’s the cobbler’s child. I’m busy trying to maintain other people’s websites. I barely have time to post here, much less find a theme that will house years worth of random, disconnected blog posts. If you have suggestions that are FREE, Francisco, I’m all ears. Here is his comment:


I meant to change to say that we should search for why Francisco is such a meanie, but I was too lazy.

The first thing. Wow. So, I checked my email the other day and I had a very respectful, nice email from a new LinkedIn contact who pointed out that the thumbnail of my photo made it look like I was topless. I guess because I was so stoked that a photographer made me look all shiny and happy I didn’t really notice before, but I read that email, looked at LinkedIn and blushed as hard as if I had actually TAKEN my shirt off in a Toastmaster’s meeting. Yep. Here is is:

liz linked in

Now imagine it all thumbnail-sized. Yep. I’ve been naked on LinkedIn for about a year now. I mean, not really, but like I’m wearing one of those shirts people wear when they want to be naked at Halloween without being naked. In my defense, on the day I wore that shirt and had my photo taken, my shirt did not look that close to my skin color. I swear. It’s a trick of the light. Or something.

So I’m probably going to change the theme here, because Francisco the Bot said something that I’ve known for a long time. If I’m rarely going to post here, or if I’m going to post every day, I need to make it prettier for my three readers. There are still three of you, right?

And the nice fellow from LinkedIn clued me in as to why more people don’t hire me for writing projects. They thought I was a raging nudist. PROBLEM SOLVED. Bring on the writing assignments!

That’s it for today. Next up – when to create videos and presentations for class and when not to.

Expressions I Want to Bring Back

I don’t LOL, ROFL, LMAO or anything of the sort. I do, on occaision, SRWFS (smirk righteously while feeling superior), EMTBOCAHM (eat many tiny bags of chips and hate myself), and RMEWIFTCMFSTO (roll my eyes when I forget to change my Facebook status to “offline”). None of those are going to catch on, because they are long and clunky, and because you can’t pronounce them outloud. Although, I get pretty irked when I hear someone actually utter “LOL” aloud.

Anywhoo. There are tons of neato expressions that predate the computer/text messaging/IM/Facebook/Myspace phenomenon. I think we should concentrate on bringing them back. Here is a list of examples:

Calling someone “Turkey”. How I love this. Perhaps best used in the Jerry Reed song “She Got the Goldmine, I Got the Shaft”, “turkey” as a means of addressing someone has to be uttered in a certain way. You can’t drag out the “turkey” like “turrkeeyy”. It’s got to be staccato, like TURKey. TURK + EE. Practice it. Try it on your friends and loved ones.

Responding to the question “How are you?” with “Ducky”, or “Just Ducky”. As an adjective it means “fine”, or “excellent”. You can mean it, or you can say it sarcastically. Either way it’s fun to say and people don’t expect it, so that’s fun too. Incidentally, as a noun ducky means “someone’s favorite”. So you’re sort of implying subconciously that you’re a favorite of some kind, which makes people view you in a more positive light. Note: that last part is utter and total speculation and mostly bullshit.

“I am called…” You might notice that people from countries who speak English correctly (ie any English-speaking country besides the good old US of A) say this a lot more often. My good friend from Trinidad always tells stories about people saying stuff like “I had a friend called Ruth…” and it sounds really nice. Flip it and use it on yourself. You’ve got Instant Importance.

“Fixin’ to” It means that you’re getting ready to do something. “I’m fixin’ to wash the car”. It doesn’t mean like “fixing dinner”. You can be “fixin’ to fix dinner”, but you are not using it properly if you’re merely “fixing dinner’. Dig?

“Golly Gee” or “Golly Gee Whilickers” – People curse too much and too often. Instead of a good GD, or a F’in A, try on a “Golly Gee” for size. You can probably even get the right amount of sarcasm and viciousness into your voice that people will think you’re being edgy.

So that’s a good start. Try these on for size and see how much better you’ll feel.

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