Tips for a Decent Friday

So even though things are winding down here at what GypMom calls “Bankruptcy Inc.” we are moving our desks and offices to another floor. For the last 3 months I have been sort of insulated from the rest of the folks, over here with the consultants I support. Now we’ll all be thrown down in the mix, and we’ve never taken advantage of the fact that we’ve got a whole wing to ourselves. Amidst the moving craziness of tomorrow, here are things I propose we do tomorrow. I will tell you, Internet, instead of them because I’m not sure they get my sense of humor.

1. As I learned earlier today, the ladies room has some fantastic acoustics. I propose we do a short little rehearsal to make sure we all know the words to “Duke of Earl” by Gene Chandler, and wait until someone walks into the shitter with a magazine. Then it’s showtime, Babies!

2. We’re getting ready to have much less space. Also, there will be people sitting right next to me in Cubeland – unlike up here where I’m in a veritable Cube Wasteland. I’m the only cube occupant in the whole wing. So, the days of plugging the old iPod into computer speakers and listening to my music “at a reasonable volume” are likely over. Why not finish the week out right with a little bit of Mandatory Dance Time? I know you’re all busy getting ready for yet another filing, but why not take a minute and boogie down to a little Harry Belafonte? Or if you’re in a more mellow mood I could spin a little “Lime in the Coconut”.
**As a side note, if you’ve ever hung out at my house you know that Mandatory Dance Time happens all the time, and it is FUN.

3. Instead of just buying lunch for our group, let’s buy lunch for everyone in the building. And tell them it was my idea. Tell them that you would have never done it if it weren’t for me. That they have me to thank for that free lunch. You’re welcome, coworkers. You’re welcome.

As none of these things are going to happen tomorrow, I will likely find little ways to make myself feel like they are happening. If I can get just one of them to “Shake Shake Senora” it will be a great time to be here.

Twitter Is Too Much Pressure

OK, Internet. I get it. It’s not enough for me to talk to you in one way or another every single day, but now I have to be clever? It’s enough to send that creeping chill of terror through the old bowels, Internet. I’m having identity issues, over here.

I’ve bought a house, so I could fall into the home-improvement blog sphere. I’m also trying to freelance write, so I could fall into the desperate-writer blog sphere as well. I am also a student, so I could fall into the I’m-old-but-all-about-school-let-me-tell-you-about-it blog sphere.

What I’m not? A comedy writer. I’m hardly ever funny, and when people do the most laughing at me is usually when I’m deadly serious. I’m also not a blogger-for-profit, ever since the unfortunate AdSense debacle (which I’ve ALMOST given up on), so I’m really doing this for my own sanity and amusement.

So I will just keep on doing what I’m doing, being completely unfocused and un-nichey. Don’t judge me, Internet, or I won’t play WordTwist with you or let you win at Chess anymore.

Nobody Wants Me – A Cautionary Tale of Part-Time Employment Seeking in a Crap Economy

Alack. As the homebuying process turns out to be more and more expensive, I realize that it would probably be best if I could pull down some extra income prior to starting grad school. Grad school, after all, is not free, and even though I will be applying for Financial Aid (a fun, exciting, and easy-as-pie process, Folks) we will still have to pay that money back someday.

Added to the fact that we are now in a 30-year mortgage that we will ALSO have to pay back, provided we want to keep a roof over our heads.

So I’ve been scouring the interwebs. Searching for that perfect part-time thing that will also provide benefits. That perfect part-time thing with the flexible hours and the work-from-home option that pays around $30 per hour. Easy, right? Not so much.

I thought I would just establish myself as a freelance writer and collect all this crazy income, buy my own independent insurance, and be Free From Corporate Servitude. Sure, I’d still work my corporate job – because I like it, but I wouldn’t feel beholden to The Man, nor would I feel like the world was going to end when my job did.

Turns out it’s a little more difficult to establish oneself as a freelance writer than one might think. Thank God for Shell at TopTenz – he lets me write for him and keep my research skills sharp (plus I get paid), but practically every other thing has turned out to be either a scam or someone who thought they wanted a writer and decided they were wrong.

So then I thought, “Hey.” “Why not get a job someplace where I can get a discount?” I’d heard the Blockbuster gave part-time benefits, so I filled out an online application there. I had also heard that Target and Ukrops had part-time benefit options, so I applied online both of those places.

Nothing. Nada. I have heard zero from any of the places. Tomorrow I’m making it my mission to call each HR manager and be charming. Oh, and I’m going to apply to Lowes and The Home Depot, because a discount there would be sweet…