Things I'm Not Down With (aka the "turn-offs")

Angry mobs
Angry mobs with torches and pitchforks
Roaches
Maggots and the flies they turn into
Homicidal magic twins
Alligator Fish Dog
Satan or any of his minions
Questionable stains
Pustules
Ritualistic sacrifices
Morons
Jerks
Decreased liver function
Drivers who follow too closely
Migraines
Arrogance
People who assume you’re a liar
When disaster lies in wait
Geological vortexes
Misty of Chincoteague
“Stroke It” by Clarence Carter
Flesh-eating anything
Suicidal animals
Suicidal people
Heather Graham
Brazil nuts
Wearing bracelets while trying to write or type
Irresponsible gun use
Irresponsible punctuation use
Hairspray (the product)
People who are “hunting satanists”
Family conflict
Pantyhose
Intolerance
Paper cuts
Impending doom
Lamb dishes
Mint Jelly
The American Healthcare System
People who go around slamming doors and stuff
Tardiness
Feeling helpless
Any creature that burrows into flesh
Not having enough money
Exacto Knives
Broken picture frames
Too many apps
Biters
Haters
Adam West (he’s a poor man’s Shatner)
Denise Richards
Dried up paint
Malfunctioning

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