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Help, I’m a Slob! Part I – The Office

Amazingly enough, I managed to finish the majority of my December to-do list before Christmas, so that left me this week to either start January’s to-do list or to do something I’ve been putting off for about 6 months – cleaning my house.  Granted, getting a jump on next work’s month would be amazing, but when you’re up to your ears in dust bunnies, dirty laundry, and unopened mail it can really do a number on your motivation.  I took some “before” pictures of each room, to motivate myself, and more to impress myself when it was all over.  I started Tuesday, and it took all day to get my home office straightened out.  I had a mail bin with sheets and sheets of paper in it – documents dating back to 2008.  I went through the whole thing.  I’m posting all the “before” pictures of the office “after” pictures right after..  I will create other posts for the other rooms with the other “after” pictures.  This blog post is mainly for my Mom, who has to work but I explain each and every thing I’ve done in minute detail like I’ve made an important scientific discovery, or perhaps single-handedly created world peace.  Plus, I think she’s the only one who still reads this blog.

The Office

Before

house cleanup december 2011 006
The dreaded mail bin.

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After

house cleanup december 2011 077
a great place to put wrapping paper.

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house cleanup december 2011 080
house cleanup december 2011 081

So, that’s the office. Stay tuned for other rooms as I finish them. Because I know the rest of you are on pins and needles….

A Fictional Poem (Mostly Fictional)

I threw my pen at work today
I don’t know why I did
I threw my pen at work today
Just like some stupid kid

I threw it right across the room
It bounced of Will’s forehead
The conference room felt like a tomb
I wished that I was dead

They looked at me amazed – aghast
I blushed a deep, dark red
My cheeks felt broiled, or grilled, or braised
My hands flew to hide my head

I ran from the meeting
No one said a word
Will rubbed the ink off, seething
And flipped me quite the bird

I shouldn’t have done it, of course I shouldn’t
I can’t  believe I did it
I threw the pen, restraint just couldn’t
Stop me when the urge hit

I was so ashamed, and filled with gloom
I didn’t need reproach, or blame
When I threw that pen across the room
And cried and wailed in shame

The moral of the story is to
(I ruefully confess)
Watch yourself and what you do
And stay home with PMS

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Thanksgiving Post – A Recap AKA How to Not Cook a Turkey

As I told you, The Hubs and I bought this super-fancy infrared turkey fryer to cook a big 20lb bird for Thanksgiving. Long story short, it’s an awfully good thing that my mom cooked a turkey too, because the whole turkey fryer thing was a bit of a debacle. Here is a nice little story in pictures that will tell you all about it.

cleaning out the cavity
cleaning out the cavity

Touching raw meat is seriously creepy, and to prepare a store-bought turkey you have to clean the whole thing out…which means handling it.  Running the water up into the “cavity” of the bird was a little traumatic for me.  Probably even more traumatic for the boidy.

To make the boidy taste good, you have to use the spices
To make the boidy taste good, you have to use the spices
rubbed and spiced up...and still seriously creepy
rubbed and spiced up...and still seriously creepy
really?
really?
tg6
mostly assembled pieces...sha.
other pieces that are not much assembled
other pieces that are not much assembled
checking back with the instructions
checking back with the instructions
tg9
lucky I had help! Turkey cooker is assembled!

turkey in the cooker.  but that's not the end of the story...
turkey in the cooker. but that's not the end of the story...

There are no “after” pictures and I’ll tell you why.  The turkey took FOREVER to cook.  By the time dinner was over it was pitch black outside.  So dark, in fact, that we couldn’t read the meat thermometer while it was still stuck into the turkey.  So, we pulled out the thermometer and RAN over to the light to see if it was where it was supposed to be.  It was one degree off.  So, we picked up the turkey fryer, placed it into the bed of Hubs’s truck, carried it into the house, and then attempted to get the thing out of the inner cage.

Or, I should say, I attempted to get the thing out.  The little wings and legs were sticking out all willy nilly and I darn near sent the thing sliding across the room a few times.  I finally got it carved and onto a plate.

So then what happened?  How did it taste?  Good questions, all.  Nobody would eat it.  Because the meat thermometer had a dubious reading, and because the turkey rode open-aired in the back of the truck nobody would touch it.  I tasted a bit, and it was good, but it was a total waste of a 20 lb turkey.  So sad, I know.  It does help that the turkey was a gift.

At one point during the whole ordeal I was upset and ranting at The Hubs and accidentally pronounced “turkey” as “tourkey.”  That has been the takeaway from the experience.  I don’t think The Hubs has pronounced “turkey” regularly since then.

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