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You Shouldn't Be Deprived of my Past Witticisms

Old Blog Posts – Maggots and Improv Comedy

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This is a myspace blog post from June 22, 2006.  I still think maggots are nasty.  In fact, I am uncomfortable every time I see a fly in the house, because I am sure it will lay some eggs someplace and there will be maggots.

I was just watching an episode of “Who’s Line Is It Anyway?” and it was that bit when there is a green screen with one of the guys standing in front of it and there is something going on behind them but they can’t see it–they have to guess what is going on based on the other actor’s clues and the audience response.  Colin Mockery was up there with maggots behind him, and he guessed it correctly!

This is because maggots are the grossest ever.  He guessed maggots because nothing could have been that universally nasty.

maggots and worms

I had this apartment on Floyd Avenue, and it was on the second floor.  Sometimes I’d put my trash out on the back deck, and when it piled up I’d go out back, position the trash can under the deck, and then go back upstairs and toss the bags of garbage into the trash can below.

Once time I went out there to check the level of trash, and I noticed some pink and naked squirmies beside a partially open bag of trash.  Augh!  Maggots!  I already had a fear of these guys, as I had an apartment on Vine St. with the same sort of trash situation, and I was really depressed and REALLY let the trash pile up.  Maggots.  But the trash out back of the Floyd apartment was only about a day old.  It was hot outside, and there were steak bits in the trash, so…Maggots.

The particular incident on Floyd Avenue happened while is was on the phone with a friend.  I was giriping and squealing about the maggoty maggots,and my friend (Curtis) said, “Why would you be afraid of maggots?  They’re just fly puppies.”

Brilliant.  This did nothing to cure me of my disgust regarding maggots, but it locked in the certainty that if I ever belong to another band, it will be called Fly Puppies.

Maggots are so gross.  I know that they do have some medicinal value, in that they only eat dead flesh.  So, if you’ve got some nasty infected wound, maggots are your friend, as they will eat all the infected dead stuff, and leave your healing, not rotting skin alone.  Great.  Can you imagine what that feels like?  Maggoty maggots squirming inside your infected ankle wound?  I mean, really.  I hate antibiotics as much as the next person, but I DO have an ickiness threshold.  I really do.

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Oh, Internet

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I know, I know.  It’s been a while.  It’s been snowing like we’re in New England or something, plus there have been boxes to move (long story – I didn’t move) and work to do and a new semester of grad school to start and WHEW!  It’s exhausting being a massive underachiever.  Underachiever because I don’t feel like I have a handle on anything PER SE, but I’m doing OK.  See?  It’s OK.  I’m not doing GRAND, mainly because I hate winter and because grad school is hard and because I’m not excelling in everything I do and touch.

But enough about me!  Let’s talk about my dog.  He’s adjusting to a new companion.  My parents’ dog Bailey came to live with us for a little while.  She’s about twice Jake’s size and three times his age.  They are getting along, however.  How could they not?  Look at that face!

thanksgiving 015

They are still getting used to each other, so I don’t have any hilarious videos of them playing yet, but they do some funny stuff.  I’ll save that for another post.

Since it had been since December since I visited my own website (for shame!) I decided to weed out the spam comments, since I can’t figure out how to turn my Askimet on (Blog Daddy, help me!), and I came across some fun ones.

from penislargementy.com
“Brim over I to but I dream the post should acquire more info then it has.”

–Had I know for to your comment earlier may have deleted some.

from granvillepolice.org
valium, xanax, ultram, accutane

–guess it’s hard times for the Granville Police.  Actually, it’s a real website, for a police force in a town called Granville, MA.  I’m sure some hacking is involved here, though their site is a little weird.  Not at all government-y.  Maybe a fake?  Who knows.

from thekochfamilyblog.com
aciphex, buy tramadol without priscription

–again, either the Koch family has fallen on hard times, unless their site got hacked or whatever.  Because I doubt they want to use pictures of their kids hanging Christmas ornaments to sell valium or whatever.  **Incidentally – I realize that “Hacked” is an antiquated term or whatever and I don’t care.  Correct me if you want to.  At least THAT would be a legitimate comment.

from home-businessreviews.com
“just became a member of this forum here”
“enjoy the environment around here”
“enjoy the quality of the posts”

–this is a really lame business tactic.  This is not a forum, nor is it an environment.  It is more like a dry and desolate desert, akin to something out of The Gunslinger, where you expect to see tumbleweeds at any time.  That’s my fault.  I’m just sayin.’

soulpitchhustle.com
auto insurance quotes

–Soul. Pitch.  Hustle.  That’s the most awesome name for a website ever.  I just don’t know why the website that calls itself “Da Urban Vehicle for Straight Raw Gritty Newz. From the Streetz to the Boardroom! ~It’s More Than A Lifestyle~” would want to sell me insurance.  Is this more of that internet tampering I’ve been hearing so much about?

paydaytown.com
The writer of www.notalwaysaboutmonkeys.com has written a superior article. I got your point and there is nothing to argue about. It is like the following universal truth that you can not disagree with: triangular sandwiches always taste better I will be back.

–this is a payday loan site.  It just gave me this funny mental image of a person standing in front of their fridge with their hands on their hips, saying “There’s no food in here!” and someone else saying, “Hold on a minute, let me go down to Payday Town to get some money.”  And then a song plays.  I do agree, however, that triangular sandwiches taste better.

genericwpthemes.com
Good post and this post helped me alot on my college assignment.  Say thank you for as your information.
(on kid stuck behind the couch post)

–if my personal opinion helped out some weird computer bug that had a college assignment about the “Kid Behind the Couch” post that went viral, OK by me.  Generic WP.  Whatevs.

largehamstercage.org
thanks, very useful information.  I have been looking for something like this for a long time.

–this comment was deposited on my review of “Harvard Man,” so I very much doubt that a real live person at LargeHamsterCage (which is actually a business that sells large hamster cages – with the tubes for the hamsters to run through and stuff) was surfing the old web and really needed my insights on a weirdo straight-to-DVD POS starring the guy from Entourage.

That’s all I’ve got for tonight, Folks.  I have ten pages of prose to polish, a ton of reading to do, and lots and lots of work to do.

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Creepy Art

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This is an extremely creepy print I saw at that huge antique mall in Alabama. They had all sorts of goodies. Don’t worry. I won’t keep them from you. Just one at a time. Don’t want the Internet to explode or anything. As you can see, these are two wan and waifish people and the girl is peeling potatoes. And it’s, like, 1716 or something. Apparently the boy reached for a potato when he wasn’t supposed to, because check out the closeup of his hand…

She’s a cold bitch, that one. Sheesh. I hope they got that set.