Category Archives: Random Thoughts

Everything Is Catching on Fire

Have you ever heard that They Might Be Giants song, “Fingertips Pt. 1?”  It’s a mish mosh of a bunch of different song styles, but beginning says “everything is catching yes, everything is catching on fire.”

Whenever there’s a lot going on, I say to myself, “everything is catching on fire.”  It can be good lots of stuff going on, or bad, but either way, I say “everything is catching on fire.”  It’s not good to say in an airport, or near a big pile of flammable stuff, but sometimes it just comes out.

Do you ever do that?  Have songs or movie quotes that you incorporate into your personal lexicon?  Sure you do.  What are they?  I’d be interested to know.  I’ll give you another example.  Whenever I’m fake-relieved about something I say, “Thank God for the model trains.”  It’s from A Mighty Wind, and Jennifer Coolidge’s character is talking to someone about their model train obsession and she says, over-enthusiastically, “Thank God for the model trains, you know? If they didn’t have the model trains they wouldn’t have gotten the idea for the big trains.”

My next post was totally going to be about offbeat and weird actors that I like a lot, but I have this whole list, and the thing is that Crispin Glover doesn’t fit on it.  He’s offbeat and I like him a lot, but everybody knows who he is, and he doesn’t fit with the rest of the list, which is made up of all the guys you recognize, but probably don’t know their names.  So I’m having this hard time with leaving Crispin Glover off the list and am realizing that he probably needs a whole post of his own.  If creepy Jeremy Sisto gets his own post, why shouldn’t creepy (but awesome) Crispin Hellion Glover get his own post?  Stand back.

crispin gloverNext post goes out to you.

Anyway, if you guys have any verbal or colloquial quirks you’d like to share in the comments, I promise to approve them in a timely manner and you can totally link to your own website, as long as you’re not a porn monger or trying to sell insurance.  Well, it depends on the type of insurance, because I need some life insurance.  That was probably a really dumbo thing to say.  Oh well!  Time to go revise a 52-page thesis!

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Because I REALLY Understand Anthropology

So, I’ve been under a lot of pressure lately.  Trying to work, write a thesis, and take two classes while being nice enough and engaged enough as to not alienate my loved ones is super hard, and I don’t deal with stress all that well.  Sometimes I “zone out” and think about things unrelated to finances, work, and school.  (And by “zone out” I mean “drink a lot of pinot noir and think sloppy but interesting thoughts).  I found the following note on my computer the other morning:

If a sterotype exists, it exists for a reason.If a ritual is particular attractive to a large amount of people, many people are attracted to it for reason.That is why reality television works.
Top 10 Reality Shows of all Time
Note about Bones – it is possible that you hear a certain identifier to a particular subculture, it is possible that Brennan would have called the Jersey Shore-type people “Guidos.”
But the black murder suspect at the end saying that all the Jersey Shore guys look alike is beyond the pale.

bones guido

This is obviously based on the “Guido” episode of Bones, which TNT or USA or one of those has been showing about every hour of every day for the last month or so.  I keep the TV on while I work, most of the time, because it keeps me company.  I think I was trying to explain to myself why someone as supposedly as smart as Dr. Brennan would act the way she did about the Jersey Shore-type people, and I was trying to find an ANTHROPOLOGICAL reason for her dippy attitude.

That same night, for about ten minutes, I ranted at the kitty about how Bones is not a good show at all.  I am wishy-washy about that when I’m clearheaded, but when I’m sleep-deprived and tipsy I have very definite opinions about television shows.

As an aside, the producers of Bones originally asked Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino to play the dead guy in that episode, but he said no so they got this guy named Anthony Pumilio instead who has, like, no credits on his IMDB page but 15 photos and a bunch of videos, so apparently he uses his IMDB page as his Facebook page or something.  Great.

Anyway, as you can see, I know a LOT about Anthropology, so you are lucky I can help you out with tough anthropological questions like these.

In other news, I like these:

taters precious

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Thank Goodness I Can Grow My Penis Bigger

For some reason, my email gets all these messages about my penis.  About how I can make it bigger, and how fun life will be when my penis is bigger.

image for penis email

I’m a chick, so obviously these emails are sent in the totally wrong direction, but here are some examples of what I see EVERY DAY.  The first bit is the email address, the second bit is the subject line of the email:  Good life!  You’ll be pleased  You’ll be pleased Good Life!  You big size 100$
GenericViagra  Hi username, we have 70% off.  stopping socialized be  It’s very-beautiful!
The body of that last one was:   It’s very beautiful!  When you have a big_penis!  will be like iron! Body:  You will have a beautiful penis!  Big penis is very cool!

I won’t go on a big old rant about how erectile disfunction should have been, I don’t know, lower on the totem pole than cancer or heart disease, and how there are all these drugs out there for balding, limpy dudes and not enough money spent on the prevention and cure of life-threatening disease and how Big Pharma has it ALL WRONG, mainly because my Zemanta thing over there is showing me images related to the title of this post and I’m sort of horrified and wondering if this topic was a good idea.  I mean, what am I going to use for tags?  Crap!  This wasn’t very well thought out.  But, hell, I’ve made it this far….

My favorite spam emails are when they are full of text, and the text just doesn’t make any sense at all.  So, here is the cake penis email, with the spammy content to book. I’ve interjected my own thoughts on the content in italics.  Discount VIAGRA CIALIS (the spelling in this spam email is atrocious)

body:  link

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T”here beneift frmo mistkaes.” (do they?)

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Wow.  If it does have meaning, the meaning is SCARY.  I worry about crack the thier took could has costs, don’t you?

update:  Had one this morning that said Big Penis Is Like An Expensive Car!  In that it costs a bunch and breaks down a lot?  Or in that it’s a man’s way of overcompensating for his…wait a minute!  It’s a like a riddle!  Or a paradox.  Or…I’ve just spent valuable paper-writing, website-updating, copy writing time analyzing emails that a machine creates.  A MACHINE.  And not a smart machine that writes well-spelled emails and then eventually won’t open the pod bay doors.  Just some word-generating computer that doesn’t care if it makes any sense.

OR!!!!  OOH!!! Maybe it’s a monkey!  Maybe they get monkeys to type those emails!

In that case, it’s all better.