Angry mobs
Angry mobs with torches and pitchforks
Roaches
Maggots and the flies they turn into
Homicidal magic twins
Alligator Fish Dog
Satan or any of his minions
Questionable stains
Pustules
Ritualistic sacrifices
Morons
Jerks
Decreased liver function
Drivers who follow too closely
Migraines
Arrogance
People who assume you’re a liar
When disaster lies in wait
Geological vortexes
Misty of Chincoteague
“Stroke It” by Clarence Carter
Flesh-eating anything
Suicidal animals
Suicidal people
Heather Graham
Brazil nuts
Wearing bracelets while trying to write or type
Irresponsible gun use
Irresponsible punctuation use
Hairspray (the product)
People who are “hunting satanists”
Family conflict
Pantyhose
Intolerance
Paper cuts
Impending doom
Lamb dishes
Mint Jelly
The American Healthcare System
People who go around slamming doors and stuff
Tardiness
Feeling helpless
Any creature that burrows into flesh
Not having enough money
Exacto Knives
Broken picture frames
Too many apps
Biters
Haters
Adam West (he’s a poor man’s Shatner)
Denise Richards
Dried up paint
Malfunctioning
Monthly Archives: March 2009
Exercises for Writers
I pulled this list of writing exercises off of J.C. Hewitt’s website http://www.poewar.com. To honor the author’s wishes I will only post each exercise on the day I do the exercise, and you can find the whole list at http://www.poewar.com/fifteen-craft-exercises-for-writers/. Let’s all try these!
1. “Pick ten people you know and write a one-sentence description for each of them. ” (Hewitt)
a. My mother is a classically beautiful woman who looks years younger than she is.
b. My father is a people-person who is both dynamic and charming.
c. Dwight is the most likeable person you’ll ever meet, but I am his biggest fan.
d. Katie has no idea how brilliant she really is, but one day she will find out and then we’ll all be in trouble.
e. My cousin Melissa has a wonderful sense of humor; a trait that comes in handy when you teach first grade.
f. My friend Johanna is probably the smartest person I’ve ever met.
g. Blessed with the gift of gab and true comic timing, most of the time I don’t care whether or not Kevin is telling the truth or using original material.
h. Lori Jo has the patience of a saint.
i. Dale has a heart bigger than most people’s.
j. I know myself, I just wish I liked myself better.
A Pity Party
When I was a kid, I used to get excited for my birthday about 10 days early. Now that I am older, I start dreading it 5-10 days before it happens. I have people tell me all the time that I’m so young – that I shouldn’t complain about my age. They roll their eyes and sarcastically say, “Oh yeah, you’re so old”.
Well, I am old. Older than I was last year, and the year before that. Can I help it that I have an overdeveloped sense of my own mortality? Of course I can’t. Can I help it that I keep a mental list of things I haven’t done yet, and that I worry that I’ll never do them? Maybe…Maybe I shouldn’t care about the things I haven’t done, and celebrate what I have done. Maybe I should look at that list as a “nice to do” and leave it at that.
Travel: I really want to go to Europe and see Paris, Rome, Dublin, Athens, Naples, Edinburgh, Barcelona, London, and more. I want to go to India, I want to go to Japan, I want to go to tropical places, I want to go to Pitcairn, I want to see the Galapagos Islands, I want to go to Austrailia, Iceland, and see pretty much all of South America. This takes money, and time. I have neither.
Children: Every year, more and more people tell me that the older you get, the harder it is to have kids. “Don’t wait TOO long”, they say. I’m not ready. Dwight isn’t ready. “Well you’re NEVER ready – if you wait until you’re ready you’ll never do it!” I have no ticking of the biological clock persuasion. Not just yet, at least. I’m finally at the point where the thought doesn’t freak me out completely. One day at a time, folks.
Education: I’m whittling away at this one. I finish my BA in May, I’ve applied for a MA program. Of course if I get in it will mean diving into about ten grand worth of school loan debt, and it will be hard to do another four or five semesters of full time work and full time school, and I can’t be completely sure that I can keep it up for four or five more semesters. Is it really smart to go into more debt? Is my ultimate goal attainable? Will I be able to get my PhD and still have a job and have kids? Will I be sacrificing my quality of life in order to answer this literary impulse? Is it an impulse or a calling?
Ah well. Self reflection is good for you. It is helpful to ask yourself questions. Keeps your priorities straight and yourself on track. I guess…